A softer side of the father

JAY JOSHI  

Many see him as a martinet; one who ensures discipline by screaming and shouting if necessary. Some see him as a walking-talking ATM machine that coughs up money for all our demands. For others, he is a distant figure. But even as all these images of a father have been immortalised in our collective mind, one must know that a father is also as human as any of us, and he has a soft side. He may not listen to our emotional issues like mother does, but he will drop us to school every day. We may not see much of him as he is busy with his office, but at the end of the day, he will put in a word with his contacts to get us the best job when we graduate, and offer advice about the way the world works when we are stuck.  

On the occasion of Father’s Day, we asked people around Goa to share tender memories of the father, and many, especially men recognised that they had seldom thought about this side of the man that everyone sees with a mix of fear and admiration.   

“My father worked in the chemistry department at an educational institution”, informed Engelbert D’Mello, a financial advisor from Bastora. “During my own summer vacations, he often used to take me to the lab and teach the basics of chemistry. All things that I had to learn from class VIII onward, I knew well in advance, thanks to these beautiful chemistry lessons from my father. That was one time when we forged a really good bond”, says D’Mello.   

For Anant Gobre, a competitive exams coach from Velguem, the situation was a little different. “My father encouraged us to find a solution by ourselves. What I liked the most about him is that he never saw failure in the kind of negative light many parents see today. He emphasised that failures do not define you as an individual. Rather, it is important to develop the ability to bounce back from failures. Today’s parents strive to protect their kids from the world. My father’s style was opposite. He would only offer words of encouragement, and let us fight our own battles.”   

In case of Karishma Parsekar, a graphic designer from St Cruz, it was her father who perhaps found the right solution for her.   

“I was interested in computers as well as in graphic design and animation. I wanted to pursue computer engineering, but my father suggested that I work in the creative field instead, and offered all possible support. Today I am glad for his suggestion as I have found my passion.” This is especially important at a time when many parents urge their kids to follow money rather than passion, says the graphic designer.   

Amar Patil, a journalist from Sawantwadi has a chequered experience to share when it comes to father and fatherhood. Patil lost his father at a considerably early age. Thus, not having experienced the love of a father has made him strive to see that he is a good father to his own kids. However, Patil cites a major issue that bothers many young fathers like him: time.   

“I was not fortunate enough to have a father, and I try to see to it that my kids get the best of their own father. However, I get to speak to my elder child barely for a few minutes before I drop him to school. By the time I come back home, both my kids are asleep.” Patil states. “I take them out on picnics on Sundays to make up for the lost time. Also, when I am at home, I try to handle as much responsibility of the children as possible rather than leaving it to my wife.” says Patil. At times, father is so busy earning money for his child’s future, that he barely gets time for the child. However, it is important for fathers today to find a solution, he underlines.   

It is thus suffice to say that the typical image of the father is changing. From a strict disciplinarian and a distant figure, father is now evolving into a loving parent who is closer and more involved in his child. Kids of younger generations too are busting the aura of fear that had for so long been associated with the figure of a father. Dad is indeed becoming endearing.