Mon, 27 May, 2019

The enduring bonds of home

On the occasion of World Family Day, TG Life tries to understand the unspoken bond between children and parents with the changing times

15th May 2019, 02:51 Hrs

Sumitra KC


The first relation that the children develop is with their parents. Parents are the ones who teach their child about the world, whether it is safe and secure, how to face the day to day challenges etc. The lesson taught by the parents make the basic foundation of a child’s personality. The environment in the family in which the children are brought up is also responsible for their behaviour. But the relation that was between a parent and a child in the good old

days is not the same, as that of today’s generation.  “It is absolutely important to have a bond between parents and their children, especially in today’s modern world. With more mothers going to work, the need for this valuable bond is even greater now. Bond between parent and children is the basis of the child’s development later in life. Mother’s love cannot be compared to any other love. However today we increasingly see such families around us where both the parents go to work, which leaves them with very little time to spend with their child,” opines Clarice Vaz, an artist from Saligao.

Children need to know the fact that their parents need to work hard and earn more as the cost of living has increased considerably. Hence, to balance living a comfortable life, both the parents need to work to pay back loans. Clarice says that her children were born when technology was just beginning to catch on and she made a conscious decision to be a full-time mother till her children grew older. Thus she sacrificed her dream so that her children could get more time with her. In her opinion a modest life was preferable than leaving her children in the hands of the maid.

Similar thoughts are expressed by Naina Fernandes, an accountant from Mapusa. “A healthy bond between a parent and child is very important as there is trust and openness in the relationship,” says Naina, a mother of two. When asked about the complaint of most of the children today, that their parents do not spend much time with them, Naina admits that the parents have to make effort to spend quality time with their children. If one cannot adjust during the week days then at least on weekends they should make time to be together. As a single parent, initially it was difficult for Naina to balance home and work-life, but as she got her kids involved in household chores the trio would do things together and interact often.

Even students express the need to have a cordial parent-child bond. Ultimately, it is only our parents that we can trust over anyone else. When asked whether she shares her feelings with her parents,

Diya Warrier, a student of Our Lady of the Rosary HS, Dona Paula, agrees that she is more close to her mother, than her father. Winifred Norris, who studies at Don Bosco College in Panaji says that she shares everything with her mother as she is a bit more understanding than her father.

Today’s children have a digitalised childhood and since new gadgets are in the market almost every month, parents buy these for them. Clarice believes that even if parents are at home children can be seen hooked up onto their smart gadget! And she thinks that the reason behind this is that even parents are hooked to such devices. 

Diya who is very much into social media, reasons that it is not because her parents don’t give her time, but it is because she likes to know new people and get acquainted with the latest trends on social media that she spends time on it. Sometimes she is alone at home taking care of her sibling whenever her parents are busy in their work. However, whenever possible, they make sure that their entire time is offered to their children.

Nowadays children are much pressurised to score high at board exams or stand first in some competitions. The world has become competitive and this leads to anxiety, stress and sometimes depression. “Every parent wants their child to excel but not all can be toppers so instead of pressurising the child it is important to be supportive. Parents must build up the self-confidence of their kids. Clarice observed that her son had his own timeline to grow. It was then that she realised that a child has to work his own way up his life and not to be drawn into the competitive rat race. “Today’s children are bright, well informed and thankfully, the era of fierce competition is on decline. The bluff of our hypocritical society is beginning to fall apart and young children can be seen moving around with more freedom,” believes Clarice.

Sometimes parents thrust their own dreams and aspirations on their children. Winifred is lucky as her dreams are her parents’ dreams too. Today’s parents have open dialogue with their children on various topics, including sex. Once the child is comfortable with approaching such topics then talk about puberty, hormonal changes, how babies are born and then moving on to other topics of LGBTQ and overall sex education.

Clarice recalls listening to her parents in her childhood. “It was a different era. Parents, grandparents, relatives - all lived next door. Communication was real, not virtual. Someone was always there for her whenever she needed to share or ask something. There were no technological distractions too. Today the relations have become impersonal. The manner of treating a child or correcting him has changed over time. But an unspoken bond between a child and the parents should remain the same. It is through the generations that it is carried forward. Home is the only place where one feels safe, secure and wanted. Respecting each other’s feelings and allowing children a space to grow, parents and children must share this comfort zone called home in the most cherished moments. Happy Family Day!

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