The Father(ly) responsibilities

In a family, men usually share an equal partnership with their wife when it comes to the various responsibilities. While playing an active role in caring for their children, dealing with the daily running around getting them ready to school, the hassles of shuttling them to their activities, revising the daily class work, they also take into consideration the other domestic responsibilities too.   

Sharing responsibility becomes especially vital if one of the kids requires special attention be it due to an illness, a mental or physical disability. But the task seems to be an impossible one when the option itself gets struck off in the middle of the journey of life.  

Satish Sabnis was left with the task of looking after three children when his wife passed away due to cancer. While the oldest was pursuing engineering at Farmagudi, his twins, daughter who was in Std XI.  It was his youngest Salil, however, who is mentally challenged, that required special attention.  

 “I would not speak about the incident a few years ago, like the way I do it now. But our father did not let our lives come to a stand still. He accepted the fate strongly and did not let us miss on anything in life,” says Sneha, the daughter. While their paternal grandmother moved in to help them take care of Salil, three years later she passed away, leaving Satish to manage things all by himself again.  

Our house did not stop functioning,”recalls Sneha, even when Salil had a fall in the house and fractured his leg leaving him bedridden and making things even more exhausting.

“ We had a cook in the house, but when the cook couldn’t make it to work, father would handle the kitchen too,”says Sneha who mentions that he didn’t let them feel the pressure of any kind. Even when Sneha was to answer her class 12 board exams, her father made sure that she wasn’t stressed out. Even when it was regarding career decisions, he let the children take the decisions in life.  

Considering the household chores and the work shifts, the family moved to a location that was closer to Satish’s work place so that he could come in the afternoons to look after the younger child before returning to work. His office colleagues and senior staff understood the situation and supported him throughout. 

“There was no point is cursing your fate or sitting down helplessly. I had three children who were yet to stand on their own feet. I did not waste time as I had to make them strong and independent in life,” says Satish who always advocated an independent life not under the mercy of anyone. He consulted many medical practioners regarding his son’s medical condition but nothing worked. Sneha recalls that it was her father who taught her to cook at an early age even though her mother prioritised school over household jobs. “I believe that every child when he or she reaches an understandable age, should help out in the household tasks. This not only teaches sharing of labour but also makes kids self reliant at any point of life. They should atleast be able to make tea and cook dal rice if not the fancy things to sustain during life away from home or any challenges in life,” stresses the father. 

In fact Satish himself learnt early under the training of his mother who also as it so happened was a single parent. Becoming the head of the family was difficult for his mother, but she did it, he recalls. He saw his mother stitch clothes and picked up the art from her. He learnt cooking too from her and these skills came handy when he had to live on his own during college days away from home. “It is probably due to these skills which I picked up, that today I can stitch baby blankets for my grand child. If my wife was here, she would have done her bit as a grandmother. In her absence, I do not want to leave out any responsibility as a grandparent,” says Satish smiling, who feels content when the neighbours and relatives say that they have witnessed a grandfather stitching clothes for the grandchild for the first time.