Preparing for the birth of a child and getting used to life as a new mother can be quite a challenge. But Bhakti Bharatiya Paneri hopes to help make this life change easier with her just launched website ‘Mother’s Republic’
When motherhood comes, expected or unexpectedly, it changes both - the graph and the pattern of life. It's the beginning of a series of roles to be performed .With your child's birth, you are reborn too. And you get a new name - mother.
To help new mothers and mothers- to- be figure out their new life change, Bhakti Bharatiya Paleri has launched her website ‘Mother's Republic' in the first week of November. "I thought of sharing my own struggles, battles and triumphs -what it is to be a mother -while experiencing the joy of sharing and caring, too," says Bhakti.
‘Mother's Republic' will include all that's of and for a mother - tips, advices, shared experiences, moments of joy and sorrows as well as do's and don'ts. It will prepare a woman for motherhood in multiple ways - physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and financially. It is a space where motherhood experiences will be shared and will inspire readers.
"I thought of this website while standing alone in the kitchen cooking something. I began to think about how I can use my own experience of being a mother to help another mother like me? Can I share my experiences with others? ," reveals Bhakti. It took her two years to shed her inhibitions.
A mother of a three-year-old, Bhakti herself knows exactly how it feels to be a mother. "Life suddenly takes a U-turn and that too, very unexpectedly. You never know when you have passed that thin boundary and undergone this huge metamorphosis -from a daughter, a wife and to a mother - in just a span of time," feels Bhakti.
A lawyer by profession, Bhakti practiced first in Pune and then in the UK where she shifted after her marriage with her lawyer husband. She had six years of practice in law when she learnt that she was going to be a mother soon, forcing her to make some hard decisions - whether to stop work, or join again later, or go part-time, whether to become an entrepreneur, or engage in something else. And Bhakti observed that no matter which path a mother chooses, she will be judged.
"My daughter Ira was born in UK. With no one elder to guide me in this new role, I found myself alone struggling hard to cope with my new timetable. I began gaining weight and soon was 84 kilos. I had already stopped working. I was in turmoil - to work or not to work. But then I also heard hurting comments. With no support system of relatives, in-laws and absolutely no help from family, I was forced to leave my career. Once life is out of track, it becomes difficult to pick up speed again. The jobs don't accept you. You have lost track of most things. So the decision is difficult to make, because you desperately want to be a mother but you have other definite identities too," explains Bhakti.
At the same time, Bhakti also began missing home in Goa. Born and brought up in a small village, Bandora, back home she always had people around her and Bhakti's father Kalanand Mani and mother Bharati Bandodkar were into social work. "Our home was a people's place. When I shifted to UK, I did find a wider perspective but it took me real long to come out of my space - to zero down to decide what I should do," she admits.
Bhakti had no time for herself, she was perplexed. With her little daughter who kept her preoccupied all the time, how could she find time to socialise, to work to even get engaged with herself or invest in her own growth?
Her supportive husband Arjun Paleri, also a lawyer had few words of advice for her. He had turned to writing books and it was he who inspired Bhakti to write. "You can do it from home," he coaxed her. "His words made me turn to writing. Of course it took a while to believe that I can write. I have interviewed few mothers. Their experiences are motivating. And It's ideal for urban mothers to get back to work, so why can't me, I asked myself," states Bhakti who had the example of Prabha Narasimhan, fashion designer, who started business at 50.
Currently Bhakti is multitasking. She juggles between driving her daughter to and fro from school, cooking food and working on her website too. She also edits Arjun's books, works on the pictures and finalises content. "Arjun is based in Mumbai currently but drops in at weekends. Ira is finding it difficult to not seeing her father for days. She misses him. But then, this is life. We all are learning to read the text of our life. Believe me, it's different for each one of us."
Bhakti's goal is to share what she thinks and feels. She wants to tell mothers that they are not alone. "Everyone has their own story - when you read each story you get moral support - if she could do it, I can do it too. You come out stronger. My own mother who raised us, sisters has now started writing in her semi-retired life. I read a lot but used to hate writing thought my father always used to encourage me to write. Finally I am trying to express my thoughts to myself and to others, and trying to be me," she states.
